


Stupid Books

by CleverUsernameHere



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Books: Supernatural Series - Carver Edlund, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Dean Winchester, Pining Sam Winchester, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30124851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleverUsernameHere/pseuds/CleverUsernameHere
Summary: Sam finds out about Dean’s feelings for him through the Supernatural books
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 121





	Stupid Books

**Author's Note:**

> The concept of Chuck writing about wincest feels has always interested me and this was just a sweet/cute idea I had about it <3

When they first discovered the Supernatural book series, Sam had been in shock. He wanted to read them, to see how much of their lives had been written in the books. But when he went for one—the first one—simply titled “Supernatural” it was quickly snatched away by Dean. 

“It’s crap, don’t bother,” he had said at the time. Apparently he had already read it then. Sam was curious, but he shrugged it off at the time. He agreed to research Carver Edlund instead when Dean said he’d be the ones to read the books.

The next day, Sam found the books had disappeared from the room. All except for the one called Supernatural, which had its pages torn and shredded in the motel garbage can. Sam guessed Dean really didn’t like what he saw. If he had to read about his own life exploited in a book, Sam would probably be annoyed too. So he didn’t read the books, not wanting to feel the presumed anger Dean felt at the situation. Ignorance was sometimes bliss. 

For the longest time, Sam never read them. He didn’t see why he should. Dean insisted he shouldn’t. He never found a reason to.

Years later, he found a reason. 

Charlie had been helping them out and when she mentioned the books, his curiosity was rekindled. Sam admitted he had never read them and laughed it off. He looked to Dean, expecting to find the same reaction, but his laughter fell silent at the expression of horror on Dean’s face. It was one he’d never seen before. It worried him. 

Dean demanded her to drop the subject and to not mention the books to them ever again.

Their eyes had met, like they were having a silent conversation. Charlie glanced at Sam, then back to Dean, and muttered a small “okay.”

The whole thing threw Sam off. What was in those damn books that was so bad? Why did Dean look so… scared? That seemed like the right word, but that couldn’t be his brother. He couldn’t imagine what could be written on those pages that would make Dean fearful.

Sam asked Charlie about it when Dean took a bathroom break from their task. What was in the books, if she had read all of them, if she knew why Dean might’ve hated them so much other than the obvious reasons.

“It’s not my place,” she said plainly, but Sam could tell she was hiding something. Charlie was a fun-loving and honest person, so she didn’t seem like the type to lie and certainly didn’t enjoy it. Sam kept up his questioning gaze and he broke her down. “I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you, Sam,” she elaborated, but didn’t give him the answers Sam had been looking for. If anything, it gave him more questions. 

His brows curved down and a small frown crossed his lips. “Tell me what?” What could be in there specifically about him that would upset Dean that much? Maybe when he died, or his pain when Dean did? Maybe when they lost their dad? Sam really didn’t know, but he was sure living through it was a lot more painful then just reading about it.

Charlie sighed. “If you want to read the books then that’s up to you, but I want no part in it. It’s a choice you have to make for yourself.”

Okay, that was ominous. Sam wanted to know more, but Dean took that moment to re-enter. Charlie quickly looked away from Sam and that was it.

That night, long after their friend had left and Dean turned in for bed, Sam sat out in the library. The e-book page for the first book in the Supernatural series—which was titled “Supernatural” just as he remembered—was pulled up on the screen of his iPad. The little $3.99 price button glared at him, tempting him to find out what was within the pages. Well, the digital pages.

Screw it.

Sam clicked the button. 

The purchase went through. 

After years, he was finally going to read the supposed Winchester Gospel. Why was his heart beating so fast?

It was hard reading about his mother’s death and seeing Jessica’s name, but Sam had been well enough prepared for that. The description had warned him that the first book was about their first hunt after Dean got him at Stanford. Sam remembered it vividly; Dean showing up to ask for help in finding their dad and how they ended up hunting the woman in white instead. 

As Sam read the words, chapter after chapter, he began to feel an ache in his heart. Described in great detail was Dean’s love for him. Love that was much more than just brotherly. But it wasn’t just love. Paired with it was longing, guilt, fear, pain—all Dean’s. Reading about his own brother’s self hatred for feeling something society described as wrong was like a knife to the heart.

Tears began to fill Sam’s eyes as he stared at the words on the screen. Seeing the whirlwind of emotion and hurt that his brother felt, yet shoved down and ignored, made Sam’s chest tighten. He couldn’t believe it. The intensity of it all struck Sam like lightning. How had he never known?

A single droplet streamed down Sam’s cheek and splattered onto the illuminated screen. He quickly wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffled. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean’s voice sounded from behind him. Sam heard his worry instantly and it made him wonder if Dean still felt that way about him.

Sam didn’t say anything, so Dean took it upon himself to investigate. Sam felt when Dean came up behind him and looked down over his shoulder. “What are you looking at?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam’s voice cracked with the question he couldn’t hold back. He didn’t look at Dean, but his older brother’s silence made his confusion clear. 

“Tell you what? Sam, what are you…” his words trailed off. 

Suddenly, Sam felt the device being yanked from his hands. Sam heard him suck in a breath, which was followed by a loud smash as Dean presumably threw the iPad onto the ground. Sam flinched at the sound of glass breaking against the floor. “I told you not to read those stupid books!”

Dean was angry, Sam could hear it. But beneath that there was something more. Fear. Fear that Sam was just starting to recognize clearly for the first time. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam repeated his words from before, but firmer this time. He still didn’t look up. He felt frozen. 

From behind him, he heard a sigh. Then footsteps. Chair legs scraped against the floor as Dean took a seat to his right. Sam finally looked at his brother, only to find his gaze was unreturned. 

“I didn’t want you to know,” Dean said much calmer than before. His words still came out rough, like they scraped their way out of his throat as he forced himself to speak.

“Why not?”

Dean scoffed. “Why do you think?” He finally looked to Sam, their eyes meeting. The expression on Dean’s face was hardened, but his eyes gave away how he truly felt. They always did, even if he tried to hide it. He was always hiding things—more than Sam even knew, apparently. 

Sam tried his hardest to keep his own emotions contained, but everything seemed to be boiling over. He just couldn’t take it anymore. “How is that fair!?” Sam snapped at him. His voice boomed through the library, surprising even himself. It was too late to stop, the floodgates had opened. “Why do you get to know how I feel about you, but I can’t know how you feel about me!?”

The look of shock and confusion on Dean’s face wasn’t what Sam had been expecting. “What are you talking about?” It came out as just above a whisper. 

Was Dean really going to screw with him like this? “You obviously know, Dean.” His brother just stared and Sam scoffed. “The books? Chuck somehow knowing and writing about our thoughts and feelings for each other? Ring any bells?” Sam’s sarcasm was heavy despite the severity of the conversation. Dean’s mouth opened and closed, like he was trying to speak but the words just weren’t coming to him. 

“Sammy,” Dean finally found his voice. “He—he only ever wrote about mine. That’s why I didn’t want you to read them,” Dean confessed. Sam’s heart stopped. It was his turn to be confused. 

“He never wrote about me being in love with you?” he asked breathlessly before he could think not to. It was no use hiding it now anyway, Sam figured.

“I swear, if I had known I never would’ve lied to you about it,” Dean rushed to explain. “Why do you think I hated them so much? Having to read about myself being in love with someone—my brother—and not seeing even a hint that it might be mutual was like a constant gut punch. I never knew that you… that you felt the same.”

Sam was in shock, so was Dean. He sounded in disbelief as he explained and everything caught up to Sam quickly. It hit him like a truck.

Sam felt tears forming in his eyes again. “If you had just told me…” his voice cracked and Dean’s expression morphed into one of guilt.

Dean scoffed, but it was filled with sadness. Shame. He stared off into space, eyes not connecting with Sam’s. “How do you tell your brother something like that?”

“I don’t know.” Sam’s throat tightened as he swallowed. It was time to let go of the burden he had been holding onto for years. “I’ve been trying to figure out how since I was 13.”

Their eyes met again. They stayed quiet for a long moment once again. The tension was heavier, the gaze intense, and neither of them knew what to say.

Dean spoke first, his tone lighter compared to before. “Sorry about your iPad by the way.”

Sam let out a small laugh. Breaking the silence with a joking comment, so very Dean. “It’s okay,” Sam told him. “I might’ve done the same thing.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t,” Dean cracked a small smile at Sam’s sassing tone. “You’re buying me a new one. And I mean that exact one, not some cheap knock off,” Sam joked and this time they both laughed. 

The chuckles died and their smiles fell after a few beats. “So we’re both idiots,” Dean said after things got quiet. “For not telling each other,” he added on.

Sam nodded a little. “Yeah, I guess so,” he agreed back. “So… where do we go from here?”

Dean shrugged, playing it off as nonchalant. It’s what he usually did when he was nervous. “Do you want it to go anywhere? Because if you want, we can just forget all about this.” Dean sounded genuine, like he’d be willing to do that no matter how much it hurt if it’s what Sam wanted. The thought terrified Sam.

“No!” Sam answered quickly. Dean’s brows shot up a little in surprise. Sam’s cheeks suddenly felt warm. “I don’t want to forget about this,” he clarified. 

“Good,” Dean said, but it seemed like he was talking more to himself. “Can I ask you something?” Sam didn’t respond verbally, he just hummed and Dean continued. “Why did you think I didn’t want you to read them?”

Sam shrugged a little. “I don’t really know, I guess,” he admitted. “It never occurred to me that Chuck could’ve known our feelings. Which by the way, why did he only write about yours?”

“I still have some questions about that,” Dean noted aloud. He seemed lost in his head for a moment, like he was thinking it over. “It doesn’t really matter now though, does it?”

“I guess not.”

“By the way”—Dean sighed—“if you want to read the rest of the books, I won’t stop you.” It was a peace offering of sorts, but one Sam didn’t need.

“I don’t think I need to. Living though it all was enough, and anything I could hope to find out I know now,” Sam explained his thought process aloud with a gentle, reassuring smile. 

“So, does this mean you’re done with all the girly feelings shit now?” Dean snarked and Sam rolled his eyes. Of course he had to ruin the moment. 

“Are you done smashing things?” Sam shot back.

“Shut up,” Dean grumbled, but Sam knew he wasn’t serious. Hell, he was biting back a smirk. 

Things only changed a little after that. Sam moved into Dean’s room, they held hands sometimes, they kissed. They did more. But other than the increased intimacy, everything basically stayed the same. Sam still treated Dean the same, and Dean did the same for him. They acted normal—at least, what was normal for by Winchester standards—and continued their regular day-to-day life. Knowing it could’ve been like this the whole time, Sam wished Dean had told him or that he’d been brave enough to tell Dean. Or that he had just read the stupid books before. 

Well, maybe the books weren’t so stupid. They had a purpose in the end. They brought Sam and Dean together. Whether it was unintentional or an underlying motive all along, Sam didn’t know. Maybe he never would, and that was fine. All that mattered to him was that he knew the truth and had what he wanted with his brother.


End file.
